Soon Very Soon

I will meet our P2 stranger very soon.

As of my last appointment, I was 75% effaced and 2cm dilated.

We have decided to induce labor on August 27...still a Virgo!

Three Virgos in one house! Our sweet Emerson will just have to put up with our anal retentive perfectionism. Gotta love it! ;-)

Funny story and to illustrate the mind of a Virgo...the first thing Jason said when he heard the birthdate would be "27" was that..."Emerson's birthdate on the 17th will be the only birhtdate in the family not divisible by 3 or 9." OK, Jason! Love the way you think, my sweet! ;-)

For Baby

P2-
The first record I ever played in my room was Grammy and Papa's John Denver LP (I'll explain what an LP is later). I bought his Greatest Hits CD when I purchased my first CD player, and my love for his music and lyrics have never left me. He was truly a great spirit and singer/song writer. His music reminds me of my favorite place, Colorado, as so much of his lyrics revolve around his reflections of the mountains.

A few years back, your Uncle Erik and I went on a road trip together for a long weekend to go camping and hiking in CO. We drove through the night, and Erik, knowing how much I loved JD, began playing his CD for me right as I was waking up to see our approach into the Rockies.
There is really nothing better than listening to "Rocky Mountain High" as you maneuver through those massive mountain ranges. Anyway, my nostalgia for the mountains always returns around this time of year...so I pop in JD's music and allow my mind and heart to remember some very special family vacations in CO. Daddy and I will take you there some day.

This past weekend, I listened to the CD while Emerson and I were running errands; I was thinking of you. For the first time, I felt the lyrics to one of the songs on the CD that I have heard hundreds of times before but with which I am just now connecting.
This is my song for you. I can't wait to meet you! Love, Mommy

For Baby

I’ll walk in the rain by your side
I’ll cling to the warmth of your hand
I’ll do anything to keep you satisfied
I’ll love you more than anybody can

And the wind will whisper your name to me
Little birds will sing along in time
Leaves will bow down when you walk by
And morning bells will chime

I’ll be there when you’re feelin’ down
To kiss away the fears if you cry
I’ll share with you all the happiness I’ve found
A reflection of the love in your eyes

And I’ll sing you the songs of the rainbow
A whisper of the joy that is mine
And leaves will bow down when you walk by
And morning bells will chime

I’ll walk in the rain by your side
I’ll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand
I’ll do anything to help you understand
And I’ll love you more than anybody can

And the wind will whisper your name to me
Little birds will sing along in time
Leaves will bow down when you walk by
And morning bells will chime

Week 33

I am at the end of Week 33 and wish it were week 40.
For me, its has been more challenging to be pregnant while parenting full-time than working full-time. I never seem to get enough sleep or any down-time to reenergize myself.

To me, commuting back and forth to work or working in my office and meetings all day seem like a luxury right now b/c Emerson is just a non-stop ball of learning energy. I can't seem to satisfy her need for answered questions or activity.

I know this status is going to be temporarily worse when P2 is here, for obvious reasons.
And still, I am excited to meet P2 and have him/her outside of my body just to feel a little normal again.

I get so annoyed at "complainers" and so most of the time no one would suspect what I am feeling b/c I keep it inside and put on my "PR" face, but today I just have to get it off my chest. It is what it is. Today, I do not have the capacity to be perfect or my verison of it, anyway.

I usually write this blog while Emerson is taking a nap, but alas, she fell asleep for 10 minutes in the car on the ride home from the mall and would not go back to sleep once she got home. So, we are now having a napless day, which should be fun for all of us about dinner time.

Maybe today, Emerson can do the laundry while I take a nap? ;-)
Tired today, C

Funny Quote

This quote cracked me up when I heard it because between a fiesty, "I can do anything" personality (I don't know where she gets it from); being almost two; and teething molars, Emerson is reduced to tears at least once a day...

"They're crying, which means they haven't been abducted and they aren't dead, a good thing, right? -Kate from John and Kate Plus 8.

I have some free time today and thought I would take advantage...hopefully, allow my thoughts to flow on paper as they so often do during the day when I don’t have time to capture them.
P2 is doing well. At our last appointment, P2’s heartbeat was the same as last month’s…147 and holding steady. We are in Week 28, and P2 does not sit still. He/she is not just doing summersaults but is managing an entire gym class in my uterus. I can’t wait to meet him/her; I think P2 is going to give me a run for my money, but I am up for the challenge.

The nursery is all ready. Items that had been removed for a growing toddler have been placed again for a newborn. Are we doing this again? I keep asking myself that. How is it that 2+ years have transpired already? So, the bumpers and mobile are back n the crib and all of the “baby” toys are ready for a new little one. How lucky are we that we get to watch another human being discover the world? Blessed beyond measure; luck has nothing to do with it.

One experience during this pregnancy that I thought was so thrilling was Jason and my snorkeling experience in Playa del Carmen. After a few minutes adjusting my breathing and getting comfortable swimming in the ocean, I settled into a rhythmic kicking and breathing pattern. I was floating above the reefs, felt weightless and calm. I could hear my breath…in….out….in…..out…as I breathed through the snorkel. I could feel the water surrounding me and the occasional warmth of the sun on my back coupled with waves of cooler water. I thought to myself, P2 is with me and he/she must feel this peaceful all of the time in the womb. I felt so connected and was so grateful for a quiet moment with him/ her. Quiet, reflective moments with your unborn child are more challenging to come by when you are caring for a toddler all day. This will always be a special memory for me.

What about Emerson, that sweet little toddler, so full of light?
She is amazing. Her vocabulary is uncountable at this point. I focus on this because truly she is showing more and more of her 'self' these days through her language, and we are just in awe to see our little girl grow up.

Painting Naked
Yesterday on the way to my Mom’s house, I told Emerson where we were going and that I was sure “Gammy” (Grammy) would have something fun and creative for her to do, as usual. Last time Emerson was at Mom’s house, Owen was there too, and Mom took the two of them down to their diapers while outside, and let them finger paint…on themselves and each other! Needless to say, the proud pictures of the two of them dressed head to toe in every color of the rainbow was adorable! So, I reminded Emerson of her outdoor painting adventure…and that was all it took! The rest of the drive, Emerson repeated, “I want to paint naked,” over and over again.
When she saw Grammy, she smiled and waved and yelled, "Hi! I want to paint naked!" There was no way out of it. When I pulled out of Mom’s driveway, my little “naked” Emerson had paint from nose to toe…and well, with no Owen with whom to play, Mom was covered too.
What a little pair they were.

Two Wrists
Last week, I was putting Emerson's hair in a ponytail, per her request. She took the hair-band I was going to use, and placed it on her wrist…she calls them “bracelets” and loves to stack all of her hair-bands on her wrists (and refuses to take them off). So, I got another band out and was ready to use it when she took that one too. I said, “Emerson, you already have a hair-band; I need that one for your ponytail.” She looked at me and said, “I have two wrists.” What do you say to a 22 month old who knows her body parts and how many wrists she has? I could not disputer her logic, so I said, “you’re right; you do.” And I got a third band out and finished her hair. She beamed at herself in the mirror and said “I’m cute.”
“Yes, you are cute but more importantly, you are smart,” I said. And thus begins the battle of every woman…. The battle of looks vs. smarts. I am determined that she will appreciate the power of her intellect, strength of her spirit, and capability of her body more than the image she sees in the mirror or the comments she gets from people about her appearance.

Baby Growing
We have talked again and again with Emerson about how Mommy has a baby growing in her belly.
She loves to lift my shirt up, and put her hands on the sides of my belly while bending over to kiss it. She says, “Baby is growing; kiss the baby!”
Emerson and I were in the grocery store the other day, and she was snacking on Goldfish while sitting in the cart. She looked at me, and said, “feed the baby.” And in the middle of the store, pulled my shirt up and placed a goldfish in my belly-button. She was so proud of herself, and I just said, “thank you so much, Emerson, that is so nice of you to give the baby a snack.” The most funny incident was two nights ago. I was sitting in the living room, and Emerson comes to me, lifts up my shirt, puts her mouth on my belly button and says, "Hi baby, how you doin'?" Hopefully, she will be this sweet when she actually has to share her time with the baby...hmmm....

Thank You God
Every night at bedtime, Emerson gets in her bed, and pulls the sheets over her. Jason and I sit next to her bed, and I read her third book, a book about twinkling stars (Jason reads books one and two). The stars on the page actually light up, so we turn the lights off and read it to her. When we finish reading, we say her prayers. She is so sweet. She puts her hands together and repeats after me, ”Dear God…thank you for Mommy, Daddy; Papa and Grammy; Nana and Grandpa; Erik, Whitney and Owen; and Aimee and Doug. Thank you, God.” She smiles all of the way through the prayer and is the sweetest gift from God I have ever seen. Sometimes she skips ahead of me and will say, “Owen!” before I get to his name. Sometimes, she skips ahead and says “Thank you, God!” before I get to that part, and that is OK; after all, it is her prayer.

And I will conclude with this...I have been teaching Vacation Bible School this week and Emerson has been attending. I picked her up from her class on Monday and her teacher (who knows her well from church childcare) says to me, "I wish we could have a half dozen more of her in our class." Amen.

Dear Jason, You are...

Dear Jason,

One does not expect to find a love letter in a public blog, but I am making an exception.

At the end of my pregnancy with Emerson, I printed all of my "Mommy and Me"blogs and made a book for her, which I keep in "Emerson's box." I plan to do the same for P2, and although, my blogging has been different during my pregnancy with P2 than it was with Emerson, so too am I different, and so too will our new baby be different. One thing I want P2 to know is our love for each other. I believe, my sweet Jason, that the love a husband and wife share spills over into the love you share with your children, and I am thrilled for P2 to understand that you are the best husband and my best friend. Although I thank God for you daily, I don't always tell you, and a recent incident reminded me to never take you for granted. I love you, my sweet, Jason, because...

You are patient.

You are honest.

You are full of light.

You are positive.

You are energetic.

You are careful with your words to me and others.

You are smart.

You are funny.

You are modest.

You are kind.

You are an unconditional lover and friend.

You are the best Daddy.

You are always willing to learn.

You are an expert at letting people be who they are with no judgement.

You are my roof, my walls, and my doors, and yet, you never shut me in or out.

You are my life, and you know me well enough to know that I don't easily give that much credit or control, but with you it's simply second nature because I know the feeling is mutual, and that's why you are the best partner for me.

I love you, my sweet, Jason, and I can't wait to see you be a Daddy again to our second baby.

We are the luckiest couple in so many ways.

Yours, Carol Ann

Spring

Emerson and I were in the backyard last week playing, and I couldn't help but notice that one of my trees was loosing its pretty purple blossoms to tiny little buds that promised me green leaves. Part of me was a little sad to see the purple blossoms go as I have enjoyed their color during the last few weeks. They are brilliant purple, and I loved looking out the window from the kitchen or living room and seeing them share Spring with me. I was thinking about how I would miss the color when I looked down at the ground and noticed that one of my bushes is budding deliciously red flowers. This made me smile. Instantly, my thoughts went to Emerson and P2, and I found a little peace for which I have been looking. You see, my sweet little Emerson is small in size but so big in personality and wit. She is learning so fast, which surprises people when they meet her as she is picking up multiple words every day now, and is speaking in short sentences. She seems to be in a phase in which her first little blossoms are falling away to bud a more mature self. It is truly brilliant to watch and have a hand in, and I thank God that he lent her to me. As I am slowly letting go of her infanthood, I am thankful that I am being given another chance to watch a baby grow into toddlerhood. My P2 is moving every day now inside me, and I can't wait to see what kind of personality and style he/she will have. What color blossoms will P2 share with me? What shape will his/her leaves be?
And so, the Spring is slowly fading but will surely return, and I will learn another lesson about loving and letting go.